When you’re in an argument with someone, you’re talking to them. Because you can’t argue and not talk.
But as values clash and tempers rise, the talking that occurs becomes personal, which keeps you from getting what you really want.
Does it have to be like this?
“Chris, I can’t believe that you don’t see the world in the same way that I do. There’s obviously something wrong with you, because if there wasn’t you would.”
Very different from…
“Interesting, Chris, you have a perspective I don’t share. Tell me more so I can learn from you. And I appreciate your candor and passion around your view as well as you making an effort to not make it personal.”
To keep the Hulk from emerging, don’t talk: talk about the talking.